24. But Then Again, Sometimes I'm Right (Negative)

I wish I was ready for this. I wish I could see, at the very least, the best few ways of doing something, if not the best one. But I can't. And that's because I am not yet a programmer. Oh, sure, I get the jokes, I live the lifestyle (such as it is) and I definitely am in love with the medium. And for what I've done, what I've learned, on-curriculum or otherwise, I'd go so far as to say that in my class, I'm among or a little under the best. But I just am not good enough for this.

I am developing a game. I am developing this game largely on my own. The decisions of implementation, they're all mine. Or as near as makes no difference. That is scary, scary stuff, because I don't know which ways are going to cause memory leaks, or in many cases whether some implementation is even possible (these cases inevitably require considerable work/time to test). What's as scary is the list of things to be implemented. I have the basic engine working adequately, but they have all these grand plans for it and I can't think about it like that or I'll go mad. I have to keep plodding along only looking just ahead.

The thing is, this isn't even my baby. If it was my idea, and I made it poorly, well, that'd be fine. But it's not. Don't get me wrong, the idea is great, and the art assets are fantastic, but I am just so afraid that I'll destroy this idea that the Open Emotion guys have had in their heads by making a bad game out of good IP. Not that that would be a new thing in the games industry, but I know these guys personally, and I want to do good things with their idea. I know it can work. I just don't know if I'm the guy to make it work. That really, really sucks. I want to be that guy, badly. So I'm going to try. But we'll just have to see.