Superlative normally has a good association. However today I shall be discussing it negatively. I shall try not to whine. 'Too' is not the first word that springs to mind when thinking of superlatives, and yet it is one of the most common. This has just occurred to me, and so I am moved to write about it.
Shortly the state of Ireland will decide that I am no longer too young to vote, drink, view 18s-rated material, or enter legal contracts. It is an odd feeling to have this privilege, something so many people (particularly those around me) take for granted approaching at such speed. And yet it is just an age. Just a number. A counter clicking up by another little increment (as a programmer, I know that can be very meaningful, but still). Therein lies the ultimate failing of the system. Should I be made to do everything (at least) a year later than all my friends even though we are at roughly the same state of maturity and intelligence, just because I started school at the age of 4 instead of the more-regular 5? I don't think so. I have experienced pretty much everything they have experienced. All they have on me is an extra year of toddlerhood, really.
Yes, all the arguments against me are there, but I think that there should be a better system for deciding when a person is ready to do something. I know more than a few 18-year-olds who aren't really mature enough to drink, for a start...but I digress. Perhaps a test of some sort? An authority who would decide? I don't know. But the classic 'get to this age and do what you want' thing is not to my mind an ideal model.
When I get to that age, I shall see, in any case. If I get there. Time moves alternately very quickly and verrrry slooooowly these days.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
25. In Unrelated But Good News (Positive)
...my exams went well, as it turned out. As predicted I dropped from my ridiculous high of 4.0, but I don't mind. That's considerable pressure off, really. Anyway. I did well in all but one subject, and to be honest I'm happy with what I personally learned in that subject. I don't have to do it any more, and I shall go back to the textbook if I ever do need that information in the future. Further, I did pass it, with about 10% to spare, so it wasn't that bad really. As for my QCA? It's down to a more-than-pleasing 3.7. In the end I discovered all I really cared about was getting an A1 in Imperative Programming II to match my IP I grade. After that, the rest was a bonus. Programming is the heart of this course, and I want to be good at it.
I shall be trying to blog more from now on, as observant readers may have gathered from three posts in as many hours. We'll see how that goes.
I shall be trying to blog more from now on, as observant readers may have gathered from three posts in as many hours. We'll see how that goes.
24. But Then Again, Sometimes I'm Right (Negative)
I wish I was ready for this. I wish I could see, at the very least, the best few ways of doing something, if not the best one. But I can't. And that's because I am not yet a programmer. Oh, sure, I get the jokes, I live the lifestyle (such as it is) and I definitely am in love with the medium. And for what I've done, what I've learned, on-curriculum or otherwise, I'd go so far as to say that in my class, I'm among or a little under the best. But I just am not good enough for this.
I am developing a game. I am developing this game largely on my own. The decisions of implementation, they're all mine. Or as near as makes no difference. That is scary, scary stuff, because I don't know which ways are going to cause memory leaks, or in many cases whether some implementation is even possible (these cases inevitably require considerable work/time to test). What's as scary is the list of things to be implemented. I have the basic engine working adequately, but they have all these grand plans for it and I can't think about it like that or I'll go mad. I have to keep plodding along only looking just ahead.
The thing is, this isn't even my baby. If it was my idea, and I made it poorly, well, that'd be fine. But it's not. Don't get me wrong, the idea is great, and the art assets are fantastic, but I am just so afraid that I'll destroy this idea that the Open Emotion guys have had in their heads by making a bad game out of good IP. Not that that would be a new thing in the games industry, but I know these guys personally, and I want to do good things with their idea. I know it can work. I just don't know if I'm the guy to make it work. That really, really sucks. I want to be that guy, badly. So I'm going to try. But we'll just have to see.
I am developing a game. I am developing this game largely on my own. The decisions of implementation, they're all mine. Or as near as makes no difference. That is scary, scary stuff, because I don't know which ways are going to cause memory leaks, or in many cases whether some implementation is even possible (these cases inevitably require considerable work/time to test). What's as scary is the list of things to be implemented. I have the basic engine working adequately, but they have all these grand plans for it and I can't think about it like that or I'll go mad. I have to keep plodding along only looking just ahead.
The thing is, this isn't even my baby. If it was my idea, and I made it poorly, well, that'd be fine. But it's not. Don't get me wrong, the idea is great, and the art assets are fantastic, but I am just so afraid that I'll destroy this idea that the Open Emotion guys have had in their heads by making a bad game out of good IP. Not that that would be a new thing in the games industry, but I know these guys personally, and I want to do good things with their idea. I know it can work. I just don't know if I'm the guy to make it work. That really, really sucks. I want to be that guy, badly. So I'm going to try. But we'll just have to see.
23. I Worry Too Much (Positive)
I've been working at Open Emotion Studios for what seems like my entire life but has actually only been three weeks. I mean that in the best possible way, of course. I feel ridiculously at home there, so much so that I keep assuming I'll be dragged away at any moment. Indeed, the first few days I was convinced that either my life had become the Truman Show (I had always suspected) or that I was in fact at a summer camp for which I would receive a rather natty certificate at the end of the week. But no. In fact I was doing an actual job (my first ever proper job), a job for which under better circumstances I would have been paid. I still have to say it to myself occasionally: James, you are making games. I am pretty much literally living the dream at this point. It's not a terribly ambitious dream, but I don't care. It's like dreaming of owning a Porsche for years, and then finding out you can pick up a classic for the price of a tiny hatchback (true story). Indubitably the dream is being lived, but not in precisely the way you imagined, and at considerably less expense. It doesn't make it any less awesome.
That's all for this post, but I have a sister Negative one coming up tonight. For all you cynics out there. And the one in here.
That's all for this post, but I have a sister Negative one coming up tonight. For all you cynics out there. And the one in here.
Monday, May 31, 2010
22. One Small Step...Off A Cliff? (Negative)
My job starts tomorrow. As of 10:30am GMT, I shall be gaining valuable industry experience, and hopefully making new friends (or at least one, since I know almost all the people vaguely already).
I'm insecure about it, if I'm honest. And I have a regrettable tendency towards honesty.
I'm worried about one of several bad scenarios happening:
- I am bad at my job. Or, I am acceptable but my efforts are negated by someone with better solutions. In programming this is a real concern.
- The job is boring. This would be pretty crushing for my career prospects - you simply cannot be as good at/as committed to a job you don't find stimulating. I'm not *greatly* worried about this because I've always found programming fun before (yes, fun), but I'm afraid a big project will make it less so.
-The people pose a problem in some unforeseen way. Some people just don't work well with others, or with me. I know it's the reality of having a job but I hope it's not a dealbreaker with this one.
OK, that's all my stressing for tonight. Sleep time.
Whenever.
I'm insecure about it, if I'm honest. And I have a regrettable tendency towards honesty.
I'm worried about one of several bad scenarios happening:
- I am bad at my job. Or, I am acceptable but my efforts are negated by someone with better solutions. In programming this is a real concern.
- The job is boring. This would be pretty crushing for my career prospects - you simply cannot be as good at/as committed to a job you don't find stimulating. I'm not *greatly* worried about this because I've always found programming fun before (yes, fun), but I'm afraid a big project will make it less so.
-The people pose a problem in some unforeseen way. Some people just don't work well with others, or with me. I know it's the reality of having a job but I hope it's not a dealbreaker with this one.
OK, that's all my stressing for tonight. Sleep time.
Whenever.
Monday, May 24, 2010
21. The Buffer Period (Positive)
Argh. A month without a post. Again. Blah.
A lot has happened in the last month. Let's have a quick rundown, shall we?
1) I finished my programming project at last, and it worked flawlessly.
2) I got 12/15 marks for that essay. This was the second-highest mark in the class and extremely unexpected.
3) I received word that I will be interning at Open Emotion Studios this summer! Which is absolutely brilliant and possibly the best news I've had all year.
4) I sat my exams. For the most part they didn't go badly, but I definitely do not see another 4.0 QCA in my future. However, I'm happy that they're over now.
5) I have so far spent almost a week at home, potentially my only length of time at home for a while, so I plan to make the most of my time before I leave on the 31st, or possibly VERY early on the 1st.
6) I have a proper website at last! http://skynet.ie/~program9
At the moment I'm trying to squeeze an entire summer's worth of late nights and long lie-ins into less than two weeks. So that's going well. :D
A lot has happened in the last month. Let's have a quick rundown, shall we?
1) I finished my programming project at last, and it worked flawlessly.
2) I got 12/15 marks for that essay. This was the second-highest mark in the class and extremely unexpected.
3) I received word that I will be interning at Open Emotion Studios this summer! Which is absolutely brilliant and possibly the best news I've had all year.
4) I sat my exams. For the most part they didn't go badly, but I definitely do not see another 4.0 QCA in my future. However, I'm happy that they're over now.
5) I have so far spent almost a week at home, potentially my only length of time at home for a while, so I plan to make the most of my time before I leave on the 31st, or possibly VERY early on the 1st.
6) I have a proper website at last! http://skynet.ie/~program9
At the moment I'm trying to squeeze an entire summer's worth of late nights and long lie-ins into less than two weeks. So that's going well. :D
Sunday, April 25, 2010
20. OK, Logic Can Be Annoying Too... (Negative)
This assignment is hard. Not to say that I won't be able to do it, but it's irritating me immensely that there is definitely a simple solution evading me. Serious work should get me through it though.
Exams coming up. Worried as usual.
There's more to worry about this year. I'm feeling the pressure I predicted when I got that 4.0 last semester. Whatever I do, likelihood is that I'll be below that, and there's no possibility I can improve on it. That's depressing. Everyone tells us things get more difficult every semester. But that doesn't quite convince me that doing worse is OK. Sure, I'll live with it. It'll just annoy me.
'specially because one of my friends may have been refused co-op on the basis of his grade falling over a year. And he's a clever guy. He probably dropped from 3.8 to 3.4 or something.
Urgh.
Exams coming up. Worried as usual.
There's more to worry about this year. I'm feeling the pressure I predicted when I got that 4.0 last semester. Whatever I do, likelihood is that I'll be below that, and there's no possibility I can improve on it. That's depressing. Everyone tells us things get more difficult every semester. But that doesn't quite convince me that doing worse is OK. Sure, I'll live with it. It'll just annoy me.
'specially because one of my friends may have been refused co-op on the basis of his grade falling over a year. And he's a clever guy. He probably dropped from 3.8 to 3.4 or something.
Urgh.
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